White Spirals

-She started smoking, shortly after the last time he saw her, shortly after the last time she saw him. She used to tell him, “only you, smoke like they do in the movies,” she’d say this with a laugh. She meant, one drag after another, often, lighting one cigarette with the dying ember of the other. So many years gone by and this is what she remembers. This is part of the reason she started smoking. It wasn’t a cool Joe Camel ad, or the masculine facade of the Marlboro Man. It had nothing to do with a corporate image, […]

May 24, 2006

Layers

– We sit there, her and I, in that small room with off white walls. I sit, legs bent back against the wall, on the aqua marine carpet. She’s at the edge of the bed, facing me. Her tense muscles exposed. The breeze blows in behind the heavy curtain. Her thigh muscle twitches a little. This brings me a smile. She looks at me questioningly and grabs for one of the pillows to cover her bare skin. She holds it against her midsection it covers the thin straps of her bra and most of the black lace just above her […]

May 22, 2006

Thoughts, on an overcast Sunday

-Everything is still unwritten. Our dreams are like scattered ash, the wind blows away. We spend our consciousness, our strength, chasing the shards that are displaced, hoping to collect them all, that the dream may be complete. Each piece we collect feeds the struggling flame within. Each piece allows us to continue, healing the hope that completion maybe possible. I spent a lifetime within my lifetime, being crucified daily by the shoulds and ifs. So scattered, so unsure, praying to something I hoped was there, that this life did in fact hold magic. I wanted more than the ephemeral moments […]

May 21, 2006

This Moment

-The disc is in and he walks over to the humming box, scans quickly through the play-list, choosing the song, the same on the album. He presses play and then he clicks. The sound fills the room, and then it clashes against itself. The vocals yell out and there’s an echo. Cymbals clash against the very same cymbals, in a different form. The rhythmic beating of percussion in the background is upset. The guitar verve crashes against itself, coming too early and too late. Everything is off, having lost its center, destabilized sense with no beat. He sings along, knowing […]

May 20, 2006

Tones of yellow and red

– I wonder about your existence, in the moments when you are most real. You are like smoke. Its permanence, even after it disappears it is still there. You are no different. The scent of you, though I cannot identify it, I have breathed it in. It has not left me, lingers inside me calling up the images of you I’ve captured in the shared moments between us, sparse and too few. How much of you have I created? When I am most consumed by you, I fear most, that you are completely unreal. Perhaps, that each of those moments, […]

May 18, 2006

Being Brilliant

-I could have been brilliant, perhaps, if I had been born during the solstice of a different moon, if my mother had not been plagued by the thought of aborting me- unable to face another miscarriage, if my father had been sober- when they decided to try again, if all ties with the ethereal had been severed- when I was placed in human flesh, if I didn’t yearn for what I was- when I was born, if the catastrophes of life were swept away-undone. I could have been brilliant, if I was meant to be just that, if the jagged […]

May 6, 2006

fractured self in broken glass

-Clear the damages from your mind step over the debris that has fallen in time make your way to that greater calling that place you dreamt of in a now forgotten dream the one in which the fishes floated upside down and upstream a dark passage you made it through boils, pains, bruises and all you are here, you are here, wake up and see you have made it through much you have walked in the darkness of the night’s drought and continue still do not allow yourself to be filled with the mirages of sanity the pretty pictures painted […]

April 30, 2006

Those moments without the other…

-Sometimes I wake in the darkness of night, I scoot myself to the edge of the bed, my feet resting on the wooden frame, I have to remind myself, I am home. There’s a loneliness that cries out to me in the silence of the shadows. I want to cry, my body cries, but my eyes refuse, my soul remains dry. There is at times a shaking, that seizes me, my body’s movement, a warning. It is reminiscent of the moments of too much coffee, caffeine and nicotine. I can almost make out a solo sax riff floating through the […]

April 22, 2006

Revelation

-And how does one reveal? What is the revelation we are after? Is it found in the moments, when the wind picks up and leaves and paper scatter, inciting the winds of mind, to themselves animate and issue forth the thoughts that found their genesis in moments long past? The questions over chambers of spirit, over the ethereal connections that may, perhaps have been, what was before we were. Is it, in the quiet moments, when words are muted and the coffee aroma becomes its own image between two that become almost translucent? Is it, in the gestures of the […]

April 20, 2006

What is left behind

-The price of waking is innocence, innocence in this world is precious. But innocence is soon stolen by awareness, the search for knowledge, searching to know. This is where it begins, searching, attempting to understand. Understanding leads to pride, that one does know. Knowing without understanding leads to the suffering and the scratching, scratching at the tiles that remain unearthed, the truth of everything, somewhere in there we find what we can attain: words and thoughts. Thoughts lead us to further confusion, confusion that is not easily dealt with, we seek out means of ending the spinning, try to pause […]

April 18, 2006