Strain of Consciousness

-There are moments when your mind is spinning and ideas seem to flood the capacity of your mind. The what if’s enter like a stampeeding herd of wild drunken men, each shouting and creating chaos for attention. And you sit there immobilized by their unruly behaviour. Sometimes I ly down and feel my weight is shifting forward in preparation of flight or simply some kind of gyrating motion. My thoughts weigh heavy on me. Is it to open my mind and find perspective or is it fleeing? Is fleeing so bad afterall? Perhaps at times, the only option is to […]

-I find myself at moments certain of my next move. Staring at that lowly pawn, I see where it can move and then where it should-where I should, but then comes the wave of sentiment and the emotions confuse me. I hold on to that spot on the board that spot which has taken me twenty some odd years to get to. I lose certainty. It leaves, along with my defenses. What is my next move? The pathways of life, have wrought little in my life thus far. Still i find myself so easily captivated at the entrance to each […]

-I find myself staring at the abyss at the precipice of change. I’ve decided not to accept last on the rung. I feel it may be arrogance, but then again what am I to expect from a masters degree from a school with no reputation except for admitting anyone with a pulse. It’s not to say that people who graduate from there are any less, I just don’t feel at home there and become overly critical not to mention miserable. I sit there and feel it’s like being back in high school. I’ve been to community colleges with better screening […]

I feel like a drunk man, stumbling through life, staying up much too late and barely able to wake when I should. The words in my mind refusing, almost, to dispense with their non-use, continue in hiding and those that do come make me sound pretentious. It’s almost as if I know these words, the ones I use, do something, they cause something but I’m almost uncertain of what exactly that is. I feel displaced and unable to speak. I walk through this new campus with an ill feeling of non-belonging. “I am here,” I think to myself. A humbling […]