Insulated

-The sunlight seeps in through the window, fully woken I sit on the edge of the bed, a blank stare on my face. Perhaps the look of desperation. This morning, there was a numbness associated with my being awake. As I sat there, I felt cocooned almost within some drowsy existence, different from the one I’ve known well for the past twenty four years, but one nonetheless which I have known for short bursts, when it sneaks up on me on desultory days like today.
It is in these moments that I wonder if I am losing my mind in short bursts and maybe by the time I’m thirty four there’ll be so little left, I’ll hardly resemble my former self, that is, when I open my mouth. There have been days in the past when I have sat there (where ever there was at the moment) and tried to concentrate, for the life of me, but what ever it was I was trying to concentrate on became a far off droning. This has been without the use of any illicit substances. Were the substances I use to be illicit, we’d have to find ourselves back in the era of prohibition. Nonetheless, these moments have frightened me some, that I may never recover from them, but luckily, they’ve never been permanent. They simply leave an impression.
By the time the sun had fallen from the sky, the lackadaisacal cocoon had been ruptured and I found myself sitting in the darkness, wondering about the path of my life. It seems most things don’t turn out as we had hoped they would. I still haven’t started my cinematic revolution and I feel somewhat distant from that dream, or any dream really, at the moment. I lay down on the couch, close my eyes and tried to sleep. It becomes that one place where interesting things happen, or keep happening, dreaming. My life seems so sedentry at the moment, I have to wonder if it’s halted completely.