-Each day is getting harder,
but then it gets easier for a while;
still carrying all that shit from childhood,
my hands still wrapped tight around failings;
even when I smile I critique it
I’ve been told this isn’t healthy,
sometimes you just have to let go
have fun and enjoy the moment, live
I do, perhaps that is the problem
I’m not the kind that has one mind
sometimes they spend the day yelling
the two voices in my head,
it reminds me of my parents; childhood
the two voices do the same, they ignore me
sometimes it drives me crazy; which one
when it’s just us, it’s impossible
I’m always in the middle, old habits
sometimes I want to cry, I used to cry as a child
I hold it in until it becomes something else
this too I’ve been told is not healthy
I want to crawl into bed, sleep, but I can’t sleep
I lie there listening, pull the cover over me to get away
sometimes they notice I am there
they stop, brief silence; this is when I dream
I imagine I’m not me, this makes me happy.
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