Felt

-A friend of mine once wrote me and in her e-mail, she described her feeling as if being stuck in felt. That expression has come up recently in the annals of my mind. I wonder what that emotion felt like. What would it be like to be stuck in felt? The image it brings to mind is that of confinement, an inability to move. That’s how I perceived it, I mean, that’s what her expression meant to me, and every time I’ve felt stuck I think of that, I think of her. Of felt.
Several times in the past week, I’ve asked myself, what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. I’ve asked my mother that very same question. She’s looked at me and simply given me a sad expression, or more, one of sympathy.
I once believed it was completely possible to surmount the odds, the obstacles and the debris of life, but now, more often I find myself caught somewhere in trying to remember where this expression or that came from, which friend it was that made me smile and which one was the one in felt. They’re all lost moments of the past and if I had them again, probably wouldn’t change much.
I close my eyes and think about what it is that holds me where I am and maybe it’s not that I hold on to the past, I’ve given up trying to regain it. Maybe it is felt.