Author: LabyrinthFlux

-“They are most happy, who have no story to tell.”-Anthony Trollope Sometimes I wonder if I have a story to tell. Notice that this is different from an imagination. Imagination I think is what brings us a certain sense of release from the malady of the quotidian. Having a story to tell takes to a different place, in which a world has to be created in order to tell the story. Yet I find myself disillusioned by the stories people seek in our times. I was out in Old Town yesterday and saw a huge line at the UA. Looking […]

-The sunlight seeps in through the window, fully woken I sit on the edge of the bed, a blank stare on my face. Perhaps the look of desperation. This morning, there was a numbness associated with my being awake. As I sat there, I felt cocooned almost within some drowsy existence, different from the one I’ve known well for the past twenty four years, but one nonetheless which I have known for short bursts, when it sneaks up on me on desultory days like today. It is in these moments that I wonder if I am losing my mind in […]

-Third day in. Last day. I’m done, or I feel done, but the need for momeny overpowers my distaste. Completely disillusioned, I care so much less than when I stepped in to my first classroom. I was the idealistic kid stepping into the reality of our world. Screaming voices, but they’re just talking to each other, you should hear them whisper, you could hear them across the room. They have no idea about social appropriateness, I think at this point they even misunderstand that actions have ramifications. Our society’s done a very poor job, apparently. Look at me, I’m a […]

-I got in my car today, on my way home. The car sped past this intersection and that. My gaze falling from one thing to the next. The same car stopped at two red lights alongside me. My dreamy gaze bouncing from side of the street to the other, from the people on the side walk to those in cars. I caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view. Something my cousin told me recently jumped into my mind, summoned from the dearth of useless memories. “You look like your cousin,” he said, referring to my mother’s sister’s son, […]

-I was driving today, as I passed a park, I saw a group of people in costume sword fighting in the park. In the darkness of the night, they were dueling and practicing dueling. The park lights shining off of their medieval garb, swords clinking and bouncing off trees. An odd juxtaposition, as trucks passed by, their red brake lights emanating an ominous glow. I got off and turned on my mini dv cam (I haven’t named her yet). Watching the make believe Camelot in the park, I started thinking about imaginary living. The words from a film come to […]

-I watched The Company somewhere in the lazy trajectory of this weekend. I found it really beautiful in a sense and far from what we expect from a narrative film. I started thinking about Neve, who was the impetus behind this film, in a way. How with acting, you live the fullest life anyone can because while being yourself, you are also a myriad of others. I wondered if the reason behind the film, was to shine a light on the ballet, on the company of professionals in Chicago, who would still be oblivious to me had I not watched […]

-The camera is on, I stare at the little red light and inside myself, wonder, should I be aware of the camera, or in my awareness should I ignore it. No this is not a shoot, this is not a feature, this is not a short and probably won’t be seen by anyone, but I am planning to document in some sense my travels. I mean the travels outside the country that will lead me to the travels within myself. So I guess this is practice. I turn to the mirror image of the camera because I nearly feel exasperated […]

-Anais Nin said, “We do not see the world as it is, we see it as we are.” To further this notion: The inadequacies we see in others, are reflections of our own. I was thinking about the things that get to me. The reason they dig themselves into me, like a thorn, is because these are my own short comings. Sometimes, they are simply for lack of action, at others-lack of persistence, and yet at others-lack of discipline. I sat in my livingroom today, all afternoon. I had a mini DV camera pointed at me, but I did not […]

-There was a small victory in today. I drove around for nearly an hour. It gave me something to do. I was in search of Parliaments, two fer. I drove from one place to the other, thinking about the times I had been there before, driven through the same passages I followed. It was completely laughable that I was driving to buy cigarettes. But there was more to it. It was a journey. Not a journey with a destination, to be exact, but a journey into the self perhaps. Almost that of an old soul searching through where it’s been. […]

-I was up late, reading. The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I think now, I may actually get it, or something of it. Weight having something to do with knowing, awareness of what may be at the end of each path along the journey that we find ourselves on. There was a moment, almost hallucinatory, it was like a dream almost. I imagined myself in a chair, but only at the last moment did it become a chair, before that it was travelling, perhaps, it was me separate from the chair, and all the people in life, my life were along […]