-Walking through the corridors, quads and stairways, making my way from or to the parking lot, the general entryway for students on foot from the freeway. My eyes bounce from the pavement, down the narrow passageways between buildings and the groups of students standing, sitting, being, in each others’ faces. I’m contemplating a documentary, or maybe just photographs. Notice how everything changes and still stays the same. I remember walking through crowds, while still a student, now the crowds have grown larger but still remain. There was always a group in class who had replaced intelligence with machismo, or the freedom of speech with the irrepressible predilection to interject with annoying comments, protests and whines, they to have become more. Generally in the class this frustrated me a bit perhaps. I would stop myself before any irreprable damage was done. I actually cared. It’s more than caring, it’s believing that you can change, more than the world, each individual or even the majority.
I wrote a poem not too long ago-I’m 24, 5 months is not too long ago, whereas when I was five that was an eternity-about not being able to save them all. You can’t. Be happy if you make a difference in one life. I don’t know if it’s the sentiment of that poem resonating through my mind, or simply that the chain that kept me to this job is cut, but I walk in there and even the tough days fade away before I’m even outside of the classroom. By the time I’m in my car, “wait, I work at a school?” comes to me. More so now, as I am so close to leaving, there’s a certain peace about time. It passes. Not to mention this has been the least stressful of any of my weeks in the Pasadena Unified. What’s more, there’s a wonderful calmness that comes around midday, or at least has been this week, when I go have my caramel latte at Starbucks-I used to hate Starbucks and always preferred Coffeebean or some cool ambient mom and pop coffeeshop that accepts plastic, but Starbucks is just so convenient in this unified-takeing that time to just enjoy the flavors and being, it’s really nice. Maybe that’s what Korea will bring, a calming of the inner voices, like in moments like these.
Nonethless, I thought about missing this, as I sat there drinking my venti, missing working in these schools, if for no other reason than my midday latte break. Soon, very soon, I will be celebrating my tentative retirement from these schools. I hold on to the tentative simply because I want to have options when I come back.
It’s funny though, even now, on my easiest assignment, I look forward to one thing in the work day…can you say venti?
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