-I’m here. Still trying to decide if that’s a good thing. I think it’s more a reticence toward the unknown, not to mention the insecurities of my being. Each manifestation of me I’m sure carries them within. There are moments when I feel as if I’ve been carried off into some greater state, but mostly I fly low and near the water, terrified I’ll fall. My mind spins as my eyes open each morning with the question:: Where am I? It maybe more than simply a question of where my body stands, but rather where my soul is. It makes you wonder how much control you have over it. Often I’ve felt it’s by its own volition that I live. And when I feel that it isn’t still I wonder if it that it is changing, and if it does, is that a good thing. Perhaps the essence of me awakening, though it does feel like what it does it does slowly.
I feel tired often these days. Not much different from when I was at home. A lackluster motivation pushing me through the day. Each day ending with the inexhaustible feeling of having accomplished nothing more than one day down. What is it that brought me here, I wonder. What might I learn about myself and will I learn? If there is growth on this journey then it will all be worth it, but if I stray no further than where I am, then I will simply be nothing more than a foreigner travelling. Perhaps the inward manifestation showing itself because I’m now six thousand miles from home.
- 58
- 0